....3 weeks since first being admitted

Tonight on my way home, I had a conversation with a friend. When he asked me how my day had gone, The only thing I could say was, It was a VERY emotional day!!!! On the other hand, let's look at yesterday.... I was actually looking foward to today, and I was excited; but I guess when it comes down to it, you never really know how you will deal untill you encounter it. So I was excited, William and all the other children were going on a field trip to the movies. I thought this would be a good experience, as he would have the chance to go into a public place with the hospital staff and would realize that the rules set in the hospital carry out into public. When I found out they would be gone on this trip from about 11-2 give or take, I was a little upset, cause day visiting hours are only from 12-1 and I was planning on attending his open school night which was tonight. (Thurs. from 7-8) So with that in mind I wouldn't be seeing him today. I guess I could have skipped open house but I really wanted to meet his teacher and see his classroom. Plus I just wanted to feel "normal" for a moment... I'm going to a school function for my child, surrounding myself with other parents, teachers and my fellow PTA board members. For a moment, my traveling didn't include a stop at hospital, and last to instill and give me hope of the days to come in the future. Before I left my friends house....the place where I currently call home. I was sorting through some mail that I received over the past few weeks, and in that pile was a letter made out to "Master William" in an envelope with the return address of his school. So I opened it, and as I read the letter his teacher had enclosed, along with a letter from one of her previous students as to WHY he was going to have so much fun this year...the tears filled my eyes. With everything William dealt with last year, from his medication reaction to how he was on his way OUT of school cause his PTSD/ADHD was so unmanageable, to a Boces intake, lowered IEP Goals and a shortened school day for 3-4 months..... to doing a complete 180.... he's teachable, redirectable, instead of getting a negative phone call about his behavior every day, I infact got the opposite. I got a few phone calls saying how much BETTER his behavior was, and they were calling because they wanted to inform me how WELL he was doing. He worked SO hard to get to that point.....even for the Summer Recreation Program. He did AMAZING, and on performance night, he ACTUALLY participated...unlike the past where he would stand with his hands in his mouth and look out of place. I was SO very very proud that evening. But despite how well he was doing at school.....home was another story, and thinking about it cuts a piece of my heart again and again. To sum it all up, I read, got teary eyed and reflected.....maybe not the best thing to do right before I left. So as I'm heading to Open House I get a call from my mother asking me if I was visiting William. I told her no, I'm actually on my way to his school for Open House. So she proceeds to tell me that he missed his field trip because he lost his sneakers. My heart sank a little, but I told her, he probably lost the privlidge of having his sneakers, she felt horrible and said had I known, I would have visited him, and she asked me inquire why he didn't attend. So I called the hospital and it turns out he had a very rough and "unsafe" morning and lost his sneakers for 24 hours. I was sad, but I understood. I guess it was then as I parked my car and walked toward the school that the KNOT in my stomach got worse. Since I was a few mins late (this should be no surprise to anybody :) I decided to skip the gym presentation and head over to the PTA table to help out for a bit. I was greeted by a PTA member who worked at the school. She asked me how William was doing and said that she missed seeing him...I said it's been a little bit of a rough day. (For some reason I thought today was 4 weeks since he was first admitted, but it was ONLY 3....though it was 4 weeks this past Tueday that the cops were at my house and William began to spiral) The knot in my stomach began to grow. I ran across the hall to the library to speak to the librarian about upcoming PARP. We had a nice conversation got together a few ideas, and before I walked out, she told me to tell William that they miss him and hope he will be back soon. So I walk out of the library and up to his classroom to wait for the second session to begin. Since most parents go to the first session, I figured the second session would be better/less crowded incase I was feeling emotional. But while I wait my dad calls. He assumed I was going to the evening visiting hour, and I told him NO I was at Williams open house. He then said William called him at 6:55, 5 mins before the evening visiting time ended, and was devastated that nobody was there. It killed me a little, but not as bad as when I walked into his classroom. I introduced myself to his teacher, and she asked me how he was.....well that was all it took, for me to start crying, so we decided to speak after the presentation. As I walked around the classroom, my emotions got the best of me!!!! I saw all the work the kids had done over the past 2 weeks. Every place around the room that listed his name, the name tag on his locker outside his classroom, and then I sat down at his desk. As I opened his desk to grab a pen or pencil to fill out the paper work his teacher left on top of his desk it hit me like a ton of bricks.........not one pen, pencil or anything other then workbooks......Of coarse I said to myself as it dawned on me that all his school supplies still sit in bags in the kitchen of out old home. So basicly this is HOW the rest of my evening went....I cried again in front of his teacher, then when the principal entered the classroom. As I left I began to speak with his inclusion teacher and as we walked down the hallway and my eyes went from watery to down pouring....William's inclusion teacher from last year joined our walk and offered some nice words. When we got down stairs, both of them gave me a hugg. I then walked to the PTA table, saw my fellow board members and the waterworks continued, I'm convinced that I looked like an idiot. I guess all the strength everybody keeps telling me I have......finally crumbled. In my heart, I know this is where he needs to be right now, and when he's finally able to come home, we're going to get a 2nd chance to have a happy/calm family relationship ...I see positive change already, I feel it in my heart, and I see he is starting to respond to me in a different way and it's a beautiful thing....but the process is long, and painful. I know hardwork is painful and it's all worth it, but my gosh it cuts like a knife.....

It's been 4 years

So even though this Blog only contains 2 posts, I started it 4 1/2 yrs ago....I guess that's what happens when my own ADHD gets the best of me....I begin a Blog, write a few posts.....only publish one....and leave it dormant for over 4 years. Well since I began speaking of William's story over the past few weeks on Facebook, I'm sure I pissed a few people off, so I took the suggestion of my friend to begin Blogging ....again so that I target the people who want to read and know what's going on, maybe help a few along the way, or bring hope to some family dealing with the same type of issues. A few weeks ago when I had my son admitted to the hospital....I made a promise NOT to let him and others who need help fall through the cracks. When I brought WIlliam in, I brought him to a hospital that I WANTED him to be treated at. Even though I KNEW he could seek treatment there.....they told me otherwise, and said the only way he could stay was if the other hospital had NO beds available. Well it turns out the social worker who informed me with this information was WRONG, and because of that, my son stayed in that hospital for 8 days......8 days WASTED. But luckily I was able to get a planned admittance 2 days after his discharge to the initial hospital where he is currently receiving the correct treatment he needs. I am currently starting a facebook support group, and will do what I can to help others in my same situtation of feeling lost and simply not knowing what to do. The mental health system in our country is broken....esp for our children, and we need to do what we can to raise awareness and see that it gets the attention it deserves. Robin Williams should have been a wake up call to many. Our future deserves better treatment.....Mental Challenges SHOULD NOT be considered TABOO!!!!!

A boy named William

Hi, My name is Danielle and I'm the mother of a 3 yr. old boy....William,(who's been diagnosed with SPD....Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD.) Welcome to my blog and thanks for deciding to join our journey. SPD (which I think is the biggest part of my sons "problem") in a 3 yr old who is extremely "sensory seeking" is often an extreme struggle just to make it through the day. I love my son but sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my mind, and there for decided that I would start a blog and hopefully reach out to some other parents/family members who also struggle on a daily basis, and maybe also reach out to a few others who want to become educated.
I don't have a lot of people to talk to about my son, esp. in the department of understanding him and the daily struggles we go through, but writing has been an outlet for me, even though it hasn't always been my strong point.